I suggested in the last issue of this article that the call to holiness is the call to develop the skills needed to enter into genuine human relationships so that you can enter into a real relationship with God. The first skill I shared was the ability to embrace and truly celebrate differences.

The second skill is to learn how to Listen Effectively. Listening is a crucial skill in boosting another person’s self-esteem, a silent form of flattery that makes people feel supported and valued. Listening and understanding what others are trying to communicate to us is the most important part of successful interaction.

Active or reflective listening is the single most useful and important listening skill. In active listening, we demonstrate that we are genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or attempting to communicate. It means that we are active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own message. It involves restating or paraphrasing our understanding of the other person’s message and reflect it back to them for verification. This verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective. It signals the other person that we truly want to understand their thoughts and that we are not seeking to be “right”, and, therefore, suggesting they are “wrong”. While genuine relationships do allow for differences of opinion, they don’t typically confuse communication with debate. Relationships where one or both persons always have a desire to be “right”, are never effective or genuine. The desire to be “right” overshadows true respect of the other person.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have your own opinion about various subjects. It does mean that you don’t approach communication with another person believing that you are “right” and they are “wrong”. Truth is always somewhere in the middle.