We have come to the 18th Step on St. John’s Divine Ladder of Ascent. As you will recall, he envisioned that each step on this ladder can lead us closer to our union with God and our likeness of Jesus, Our Savior.

The 18th step is INSENSITIVITY; LACK OF AWARENESS. St. John tell us that insensitivity is a deadened feeling in body and spirit, and comes from long sickness and carelessness. Lack of awareness is negligence that has become a habit. It is thought gone numb, an offspring of predisposition, a trap for zeal, a noose for course, an ignorance of compunction, the gateway to despair, the mother of forgetfulness giving birth to loss of fear of God and, in turn, to a deadened spirit.

The word insensitivity, as John uses it, does not mean what we normally call insensitivity. When we say someone is insensitive, we usually mean he does not consider other people’s feelings. But this is not what it means in spiritual life. It is best understood as a deep-rooted hypocrisy. It is a hypocrisy so deep that it becomes almost impossible to recognize in ourselves, though, of course, we are quick to condemn it in others.

Step 18 is a favorite of many who think and write about the Ladder. Why? Because of insensitivity to our own wretched condition blinds us that we can only recognize our sins when we are forced to see ourselves in others. Every sinner is a mirror of another. This is why parables are often used in the Scriptures: to show us our own behavior in stories about other people.

Insensitivity, then is the inability to honestly and sincerely look at ourselves and to admit, without feeling guilty, who we are right now.